Is Your Long Distance Relationship Still Thriving, Or Should You Call It Quits?
In their nature, relationships are hard work. “Two different people are coming together as one” is a solution whose equation is never balanced. You know what is even harder? A long-distance relationship. I salute you if you are in one because, in addition to the hustle and bustle of loving a flawed being, you have distance as something to worry about.
I remember when I was in a long distance relationship myself. How I loved him! He was the Yin to my Yang and then boom! A job transfer to the other side of the coast. I did not know where to begin or how to maintain something I had worked so hard for. A year down the line, we called it quits, amicably. It was sad, but as is with all relationships, there needs to be a time when you call time of death and mine had come.
But why? You ask. How did I conclude that I needed to let go? What were the signs of a dying age?
The glue in a long distance relationship isn’t quality time, its communication. Calls, video chats and practically any imaginable way to keep the image of your partner present in your life. While normal couples get the luxury of any love language, couples in LDR have to work with communication.
If you are in an LDR and do not communicate for days, something is wrong. Truth is daily communication may be hard but two days is too long.
The desire to meet up is no longer present
Flying across states every weekend is expensive. Driving through the country is also pricey, and that is the truth. Meeting, however, is something essential for couples in long distance relationships. The desire to meet should be present, the active seeking out of each other is also a necessity.
If neither you nor your partner feels the need, then your relationship may be on the rocks.
The foundation is not strong enough
When relationships get hard, couples can always fall back to friendship. If your relationship got tossed into a long distance one before complete prior knowledge of each other, you would find it harder to fight together or to stay afloat when hit but the waves of distance.
Your interests are no longer in line
If the plan from the beginning was to work for the time and reunite, then in the middle of it all, it suddenly seems the other partner wants to settle down there, or even start a practice, your relationship is showing major red flags.
The wandering eyes begin
If the object at the focus of your eyes or your partner’s eyes is no longer you, then they have ultimately decided to move on. There is a saying that goes “The eyes see what the heart is looking for,” and it’s true. The likelihood of finding love with someone else doubles when you shift focus from your partner – and as it turns out, this is also a great place to abort the mission.
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Your relationship frustrates you
People get into relationships for many reasons. The major one being companionship. The thing about a good partner is that you get to grow, you are challenged to be better and ultimately regardless of what goes on in the world, and you have a friend, a sanctuary. At any one time when a relationship takes happiness from you, it is not worth being in. If the thought of your relationship brings you to anguish and turmoil, you are better off alone.
You are staying in it for the wrong reason
The only time you should stay in a relationship that is on the rocks is if both of you are in love and want to work it out. If you are driven by guilt or are afraid to leave on account of fear, or the opinion of others, then you need a midnight train to Georgia. Never feel the need to be hurt on account of you don’t want to hurt your partner. Ultimately, they will get hurt- and the sooner, the better so they can get over it.
Some relationships are not forever, and that is okay. The expectation we put on forever binds us to dysfunctional relationships that drive us deeper into depression. The most important thing for people in LDRs is not the end but the beginning. It is important to walk into the relationship with enthusiasm, and a little sprinkle of optimism. Your relationship may work, but even if it doesn’t, a break up is not the worst thing to embrace.