All relationships are a work in progress, but LDRs come with a plethora of obstacles you will need to overcome if you want the relationship to succeed.
Some relationships have been long-distance from the start, and with others, it’s just a temporary thing.
Whichever your situation may be, you need to figure out whether staying together with your long-distance partner is the healthiest choice for you.
Is this something you can make work together as a couple, or is it already becoming too much to deal with?
Sometimes, distance is not the problem but the relationship itself. And there are some telltale signs your LDR isn’t working, but you haven’t been paying much attention.
This article will discuss how to know when to call it quits in a long-distance relationship.
You Talk To Each Other Less And Less
The glue in a long-distance relationship isn’t quality time, it’s communication.
Communication through phone calls, video chats, and any other way helps you keep your partner’s image present in your life.
While normal couples get the luxury of any love language, couples in LDRs have to work with communication.
If you are in a long-distance relationship and do not communicate for days, something is wrong. Of course, communicating every day may be difficult if you’re both leading busy lives, but anything longer than two days is way too long, in my opinion.
You’re Always Fighting or Bickering
Occasional fights are inevitable in any relationship. It’s just impossible to agree over every detail and situation, especially when you both lead busy lives and can’t spend hours on video calls explaining yourselves.
But there is an art to fighting, and you will need to learn fast if you want your long-distance relationship to grow and not fall apart.
However, if you’ve reached a stage where you start arguing over petty and trivial things when you aimlessly fight without truly trying to resolve your problems, maybe the time has come for you to take a deeper look at your relationship.
What is it really about your partner that’s making you see red so easily? Is there an underlying problem you are not addressing?
You’re Not Intimate Anymore
You probably remember how thrilled you felt at the start of your long-term LDR. You had to redefine your intimate life and learn how to keep the spark burning without physical presence.
For many partners, long-distance intimacy comes with a learning curve, but that’s exactly what made it special and exciting, right?
Sure, you can keep it hot and steamy with sexting and naughty late-night video calls, but without a team effort, long-distance fire snowballs into extinction, and it drags the whole relationship with it.
If you are moving in the right direction, intimacy should be getting better, not dying down.
The Foundation Was Never Strong Enough
They say that there is nothing better than dating your best friend. Building a strong bond before bringing romance into the picture is important, especially in long-distance relationships where trust and understanding are often put to the test.
You have the opportunity to get to know each other in a different way and form a unique perspective of each other’s quirks and characters.
That way, when things get hard, couples can always fall back to their friendship.
If your relationship got tossed into a long-distance one before you got to know each other completely, you might find it harder to fight for it together or to stay afloat when the waves of distance hit you.
You Don’t Feel Appreciated
You have been trying your best to make the relationship work and spend some quality time with your LRD partner, but they don’t seem to care enough to meet you halfway. There is simply zero effort on their end, and you start wondering whether their feelings have changed.
LDR friendship gifts, calls, messages, games, sweet gestures… If you’ve been bending over backward to keep your romance alive, but they aren’t even trying, chances are they have cooled off and are not that into you anymore.
Maybe it’s time to call it quits, move on and get into a relationship with someone who will see and appreciate your time, effort, and love.
You Don’t Share the Vision for Your Future
When you entered the LDR, the plan was probably to be separated for a little while and then reunite later to build a life together. However, if it now turns out your partner is changing their mind, your relationship is showing major red flags.
If you were wondering when to call it quits in your long-distance relationship, it would be the moment when you’re no longer on the same page regarding fundamental interests like sharing a home or creating a family.
You Don’t Have Anything in Common Anymore
Have you noticed that you can’t really find a solid topic to talk about anymore? Instead, you find your conversations dull, boring, repetitive, and often trivial. It feels like something put out the fire that once used to burn in your eyes when you had those deep conversations till early in the morning.
You used to have so much in common, but now when living what seems to be a world apart, you no longer share the same interest, ideals, and perspectives.
But it happens! People change, situations shift, lives turn around! Maybe you have both changed, or maybe just one of you took a different path, but it’s enough to feel the gap between you growing.
Spending Time Together Is No Longer a Priority
You don’t have to be the priority of your partner 24/7, but they should still display some degree of interest in you. If you feel like you never talk or “hang out” anymore, that might indicate a problem.
Of course, your partner may be just extra busy these days. Maybe they’ve taken up a new hobby or have more responsibilities at work. Maybe school is taking up more of their time than it used to.
Whatever the case, if it seems like your partner never makes an effort to “spend time” together anymore, you should talk it out.
For an LDR to succeed and remain a healthy relationship, both partners need to put in the time and effort. And you need to make sure whether your partner is still willing to do that.
The Desire To Meet Up Is No Longer There
Flying across states every weekend is expensive. Driving through the country is also pricey, which is something that many LDR couples struggle with.
Meeting in person, however, is essential for long-distance and international couples. The desire to meet should be present, and actively seeking each other out is also a necessity.
If neither you nor your partner feels the need, then your relationship may be on the rocks.
They Make Empty Promises
Just like high expectations, empty promises, too, can ruin a relationship.
It’s almost inevitable that the distance will reveal traits of your partner that won’t sit well with you. And that’s okay as long as it’s not a major red flag.
Sometimes, it’s okay to let it go, but sometimes, things like extreme jealousy and unfounded mistrust are hard to swallow.
Partners often promise to change when confronted regarding their behavior, but the change is usually short-lived, and then you are quickly back to square one.
If this has been giving you a headache, maybe it’s time to end your long-distance relationship.
The Relationship Feels One-Sided
This is one of the most common red flags that say your long-distance relationship has run its course.
It can be you who is doing all the work to keep you afloat as a couple, or it may be your partner putting in all the effort.
Whichever way it is, the moment one of the partners is not equally invested, the relationship will slowly lose its balance and start feeling one-sided.
Long-distance romance is very possible, but it’s not for everybody. It requires time, effort, trust, and a lot more sacrifice than any other regular relationship. It’s a two-way street, and if you feel forced to chase your partner to beg for love, it’s time to call it quits and move on to something better.
You Have Trust Issues
A long-distance relationship puts trust to the test a lot more often than a regular relationship.
If you find yourself stalking your partner on social media just to see where they are or who they are with, and you are in a constant war accusing each other of cheating and spending more time with other people than together, maybe you are not with the right person.
Trust issues, if not resolved, tend to grow exponentially and blow out of proportion. Is what you or your partner feel real, or is it only in your heads? Whichever the case is, it’s absolutely unhealthy to stay in a toxic relationship where none of you grows as a person.
You Are Not Trying To Make Things Work
The first moment you feel like not giving a damn whether things work out or not, it’s time to ‘pack your bags.’
Long-distance relationships require a lot of work and effort. Let’s not fool ourselves here, an LDR can be absolutely beautiful, but at the same time, it’s high-maintenance and will need both of you working as a team.
If the partners stop caring how their actions will affect the other and what consequences may follow, love is no longer a priority in your long-distance relationship.
You Don’t Make Plans for the Future Anymore
A long-distance relationship is only logical if you plan on sharing the same location at a certain moment down the line.
Most LDR couples find it exciting to organize their next encounter and make tons of plans and preparations on how they can make the most of their time in the same zip code. Choosing a destination, buying tickets, packing – it all adds to the eagerness to hold each other close.
If this is not the case with you as a couple, if any of you starts finding excuses to postpone or completely cancel your next meet-up, maybe something more serious is taking place, and you need to have an open conversation about it.
The Wandering Eyes Begin
There is a saying that goes, “The eyes see what the heart is looking for,” and it’s true. The likelihood of finding love with someone else doubles when you shift focus away from your partner.
If you feel you are no longer the center of your partner’s world, then they may have decided to move on without you.
Your Relationship Frustrates You
People get into relationships for many reasons, the major one being companionship.
The thing about a good partner is that you get to grow together, you are challenged to be better, and ultimately, regardless of what goes on in the world, you have a friend, a sanctuary.
At any one time, when a relationship starts taking happiness from you, it is not worth being in. If the thought of your relationship brings you anguish and turmoil, you are better off alone.
You’re Starting to Lose Yourself
It’s an absolute truth that LDRs require effort and sacrifice, but if your personal life, career, and growth have started taking a toll while you are trying to make all this work, you need to ask yourself if it is worth all that trouble.
Relationships are hard work, but how hard is too hard? When there is no clear boundary between your personal life and your relationship, you start identifying with your romance, or even worse, with your partner, and everything that was unique to you slowly fades away.
You neglect your friends and family, skip work, miss deadlines, avoid responsibility… It’s time to end things and let them go.
The Relationship Has Become Toxic
A good LDR can turn toxic fast and easily, and it can be because of both partners. There are no rules.
One day you just notice that your whole life is in chaos because you put all your time and energy into keeping your relationship in one piece. Then there are the constant fights and trust issues that further deepen the gap and cause friction.
Add your busy schedules and character differences to all that, and you got yourself a toxic ticking bomb waiting to explode.
Your partner should inspire you to be better, not bitter!
You Are Staying In It For The Wrong Reasons
The only time you should stay in a relationship that is on the rocks is if both of you are in love and want to work it out. However, if you are driven by guilt or are afraid to leave on account of fear, or the opinion of others, then you need to rethink your priorities.
Do not get yourself hurt just because you do not want to hurt your partner. You always come first – it is not selfish, it’s healthy.
Knowing when to call it quits in a long-distance relationship is not easy. You just need to understand that some relationships are not forever, and that is okay. The higher the expectations, the bigger the disappointments.
Don’t get stuck in a dysfunctional relationship that will push you deeper into depression out of habit. If you can not see any signs of true love in your long-distance relationship, then maybe it is time to let go.
The most important thing for people in LDRs is not the end but the beginning. It is important to walk into the relationship with enthusiasm and a little sprinkle of optimism.
So even if your partner is a Latvian woman, a Chinese man, or you are dating a Mexican guy, a long-distance relationship may still work. But even if it doesn’t, a long distance break-up is not the worst thing to embrace.