In their nature, relationships are hard work.
But do you know what is even harder?
Being in a long-distance relationship.
I salute you if you are in one because, in addition to the hardships of loving a flawed being, you have the distance to worry about as well!
I remember when I was in a long-distance relationship myself. Oh, how I loved him! He was the Yin to my Yang and then boom! He got a job transfer to the other side of the coast… I did not know where to begin or how to maintain something I had worked so hard for.
A year down the line, we called it quits, amicably. It was sad, but as is with all relationships, there needs to be a time when you call time of death, and mine had come.
But why? How did I conclude that I needed to let go? What are the signs a long-distance relationship isn’t working?
In this article, I’ll discuss how to know when to call it quits in a long-distance relationship.
The glue in a long-distance relationship isn’t quality time, its communication.
Communication through phone calls, video chats, and any other way that helps you keep the image of your partner present in your life.
While normal couples get the luxury of any love language, couples in LDR have to work with communication.
If you are in a long-distance relationship and do not communicate for days, something is wrong. Of course, communicating daily may be difficult if you’re both leading busy lives but more than two days is too long in my opinion.
The desire to meet up is no longer there
Flying across states every weekend is expensive. Driving through the country is also pricey, and that is something that lots of LDR couples struggle with.
Meeting in person, however, is essential for long-distance and international couples. The desire to meet should be present, and actively seeking each other out is also a necessity.
If you nor your partner feel the need, then your relationship may be on the rocks.
The foundation is not strong enough
When relationships get hard, couples can always fall back to friendship.
If your relationship got tossed into a long-distance one before getting to know each other completely, you might find it harder to fight together or to stay afloat when hit with the waves of distance.
Your interests are no longer inline
If the plan from the beginning was to be separated for a little while and then reunite later to build a life together and now your partner is changing their mind, your relationship is showing major red flags.
Spending time together is no longer a priority
You don’t have to be the priority of your partner 24/7, but they should still display a healthy degree of interest in you. If you feel like you never talk or “hang out” anymore, that might indicate a problem.
Of course, your partner may be just extra busy these days. Maybe they’ve taken up a new hobby or have more responsibilities at work. Maybe school is taking up more of their time than it used to.
Whatever the case, if it seems your partner never makes an effort to “spend time” together anymore, you should talk it out. For a long-distance relationship to succeed, both partners need to put in the time and effort. And you need to make sure whether your partner is still willing to do that.
The wandering eyes begin
There is a saying that goes, “The eyes see what the heart is looking for,” and it’s true. The likelihood of finding love with someone else doubles when you shift focus away from your partner.
If you feel you are no longer the center of your partner’s world, then they may have decided to move on without you.
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Your relationship frustrates you
People get into relationships for many reasons, the major one being companionship.
The thing about a good partner is that you get to grow, you are challenged to be better, and ultimately, regardless of what goes on in the world, you have a friend, a sanctuary.
At any one time, when a relationship starts taking happiness from you, it is not worth being in. If the thought of your relationship brings you anguish and turmoil, you are better off alone.
You are staying in it for the wrong reasons
The only time you should stay in a relationship that is on the rocks is if both of you are in love and want to work it out. If you are driven by guilt or are afraid to leave on account of fear, or the opinion of others, then you need to rethink your priorities. Never feel the need to be hurt on account of you not wanting to hurt your partner.
Some relationships are not forever, and that is okay. The expectation we put on forever binds us to dysfunctional relationships that drive us deeper into depression.
The most important thing for people in LDRs is not the end but the beginning. It is important to walk into the relationship with enthusiasm and a little sprinkle of optimism.
So even if your partner is a Latvian woman, a Chinese man, or you are dating Mexican guy, a long-distance relationship may still work. But even if it doesn’t, a break-up is not the worst thing to embrace.