Long Distance Relationship Fights: 16 Ways to Fight Fair

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By Jesse
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Resolve conflicts in your LDR with our 16 tips on how to fight fair and grow stronger together. Learn more!

fighting in ldr

Fighting with your long-distance relationship partner can be a challenge. There is something about the conflict in close proximity that makes it so much easier to solve. However, this doesn’t mean that your relationship will crumble from one fight if you live in different time zones.

Although sometimes you may wonder if a long-distance relationship is worth it, the most important thing in such relationships is to know how to fight the right way.

Here are sixteen tips and tricks that should help you air your grievances and hear your partner out. We’ll also share tips on how to fix your relationship after a long-distance relationship fight.

How To Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Fights Fair

Reasons Why LDR are not working

Learn to Stop the Fight Before It Begins

Not every disagreement needs to turn into a full-on fight or argument. The best way to prevent insignificant disagreements from spiraling into a mess is by simply identifying markers for an oncoming argument and stopping that train in its tracks.

It could be that you notice your voice is raising or that neither of you is giving the other a chance to finish their sentences.

When it starts heading down this path, take a breather, acknowledge it to your partner, and find a more civil way to express your opposite feelings. That way, you can disagree without things getting too heated or toxic.

Choose the Right Communication Channel

With long-distance relationship arguments, the channel used to communicate makes a huge difference. 

Video calls on are the best way to go for long-distance couples. One of the main reasons for this is that you get to see your partner’s facial expressions and body language. It is also important as, unlike text messages or social media apps, you can sustain a steady conversation without constantly interrupting each other.

Never, Under Any Circumstances, Hang Up

That is the number one rule for fair fighting in long-distance relationships – never hang up.

It doesn’t matter how angry you are or how fed up with the argument you have become. It is not only rude and hurtful but also not the most mature way to handle things.

Remember that you are dealing with the challenge of distance, and your partner cannot follow you when you choose to walk away. So, if you get to a breaking point and don’t want to talk anymore, ask for a recess. You can resume when you both feel like you can stay calm.

Take a Break From the Fight If You Must

Ideally, you should not end text threads, phone calls, or video calls with your long-distance partner without having resolved the issue. However, this is not always possible.

So if you need to do it, take a break from the fight, as I mentioned above. It will give you time to calm down while also allowing you to ruminate on what your partner expressed so you have a better perspective of where they are coming from.

To make sure you will get back to the conversation, leave the call running or the video chat on. That way, both of you are obliged to return to the conversation to actually resolve the issue.

Calm Down

Arguing when you are mad is never a good idea. In the heat of the moment, you might end up saying something that you won’t be able to take back. So, relax, take a breath, and then calmly present your point of view. That also makes it easier for your partner to understand where you are coming from.

Find And fix the Root Problem

3 Harsh Facts About Long-Distance Relationships

If the fight seems petty, the chances are that it is hiding an even bigger problem. No matter how hard you argue and how valid you and your partner think your points are, you will never stop fighting until you fix the real underlying problem.

In long-distance relationships, the circumstances will usually hit relationship foundations like trust and companionship, leading to small fights. So work on fixing any trust issues and find ways to spend time together despite the distance between you and your beau.

Constant catching up and regular communication, in general, will also help. It may not seem like the main problem at first, but changes to these aspects of the relationship will make a world of difference.

Actively Listen to What Your Partner Is Saying

It is very important to speak your mind when you disagree with your long-distance partner. However, never assume that you are the only one with something to say or, worse – that you are always right. Listen to them and try to understand how they feel. That makes coming to an amicable conclusion so much easier.

Ask the Right Questions

When fighting in a long-distance relationship, you may have a lot of emotions and details misunderstood. This could be due to language barriers, inconvenient modes of communication, or simply the fact that emotions are running high.

To have a constructive fight instead of a destructive one, you must understand your partner’s grievances, and they must also understand yours.

One way to do this is by asking the right questions. Ask what your partner feels about a particular situation, what they think you have done wrong, and what they think could be done to make the relationship better.

You will learn a lot about what needs to change while also giving your partner a safe space to be completely open. 

Don’t Ignore The Small Stuff

It is the little things you think don’t matter that will come to bite your long-distance relationship in the ass.

It could be that she doesn’t like how late you are at replying to her texts. Or maybe he feels that he makes all the effort to visit and spend time with you.

These are not exactly relationship death sentences, but they could easily become that if they are left unaddressed. So, if you don’t like something, however insignificant it seems, be open about it before it is too late.

Be Honest Even When It Hurts

ldr texting tip

Honesty is everything in long-distance relationships. When it comes to fighting right, then honesty is the secret that could save your love!

It might hurt at first, but it will make it clear to your partner what you like or don’t like and prevent the recurrence of disappointing behavior.

… But Do Not Be Mean

It is important to be honest, but you should never use it as a weapon in long-distance relationship arguments. Find ways to speak your truth without hurting your partner, even if it means sandwiching hard reality between compliments or softer blows.

Do Not Digress

It is very easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and start arguing about non-issues. You will find yourself arguing about that one time a hundred years ago when he didn’t call you back when the argument was initially about why you are unhappy with your intimacy levels. Try your best to stay focused and handle one issue at a time.

Don’t Forget You Love Them

Always keep in mind that you are on the same team. and have the same goals. It doesn’t matter how mad they are getting you right now. You have worked too hard to get where you are, so instead of always fighting each other, fight for each other.

Remember That Distance is the Enemy, Not Your Partner

One of the most often forgotten underlying issues that trigger the other small fights you will have in your LDR setup is the actual distance. Getting into a long-distance relationship, you may have thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal. You would just plan fun online dates and call each other every day. This is not always enough, and the distance will always be a trigger, however subtle, for all your fights. So find a way to focus on the real enemy here.

The best strategy would be to plan more visits to see each other. It helps bridge the distance more often and creates anticipation and general positive vibes in the relationship.

Learn Your Lesson

Even if you may not want to admit it, there are times in your fight with your long-distance lover when you will actually be in the wrong. It is crucial for the health and survival of the relationship that you learn your lesson.

The change will, of course, take time, whether it is improving how often you communicate or rebuilding trust. However, making intentional and visible efforts to change and show you understood your partner’s problems will prevent you from having the same fights over and over again.

Own Up for Your Mistakes

Learning from your mistakes is one thing, and it is a great way to stop fights in a long-distance relationship. However, you also have to own up to those mistakes openly. Something as simple as verbally acknowledging you did wrong and apologizing might be all you need to do. It helps reassure your partner that their complaints were not just in their head.

Owning up, of course, goes both ways and is something your partner should also do for your peace of mind and to start the process of letting go.

How To Fix A Long-Distance Relationship After A Fight

LDR card games 

All long-distance couples fight, whether it is about scheduling differences or feelings of neglect. However, these should not be the undoing of what is otherwise a magical love story.

Instead, strive to learn and grow from the fight. Here are six simple tips to make up after a fight in a long-distance relationship

Actively Listen And Learn

Don’t think of fights as attacks; think of them as learning opportunities. And actively listening to your partner is the only way to learn what your partner wants, what they don’t want, what makes them insecure, and how to make them happy.

Learn To Forgive

You cannot move on with a healthy relationship unless you learn how to forgive after a major fight. Your feelings will be hurt whether or not there is a justifiable reason. If you choose to fix things, then you have to let go of the hurt and give your partner a new chance.

Own Up To Your Mistakes

Remember, everyone’s pain is valid, even when you feel like you didn’t do anything wrong. What matters the most is that a mistake was made, and your partner was hurt, whether or not it was your intention. To make things easier for both of you, just own up and apologize – if not for the mistake, then for effect.

Get Some Space

Some space might do you a lot of good when recovering from a major long-distance relationship fallout. This allows you to cool down and think about what the fight was about. It is also a great way to learn how to live as independent individuals, which definitely strengthens the relationship down the line.

Identify The Root Of The Problem

A lot of times, LDR fights are symptoms of bigger problems that need to be addressed. You could be having a simple squabble over not communicating enough when the real root of the problem is insecurity. Do a deep dive into the situation, and you might find a problem that, once fixed, will make your lives easier.

Fight Some More If You Must

To fix your relationship, a few more fights may be necessary, but make sure you are not fighting just for the sake of it. Instead, fight to make sure that all issues are addressed as needed without holding back and bubbling up, which will inevitably lead to bigger and messier blow-ups.

Resolving Conflicts in LDR

Ways To Make Your Long Distance Boyfriend Miss You More

In a nutshell, try your best to be civil and understanding. It doesn’t matter whether you are fighting about inconsistent communication or alleged infidelity. The nine tips on how to fight fair should come in handy if you want to keep your long-distance relationship alive.

It is also very important to learn how to move on from the fight. The main thing – learn from your mistakes and forgive each other. That way, you will not repeat the same issues that landed you in that uncomfortable space in the first place.

jesse blogger at my long distance love


I'm Jesse, your long-distance relationship expert. I share tips and advice on my blog to help you navigate the ups and downs of long-distance love. Whether you're just starting out or have been apart for years, my blog is here to help you stay connected and happy despite the distance.