I Do! Now See You Later!
Being in a long-distance marriage is a unique experience. You might have thought your long-distance fling was hard, but this is a whole other ballpark. What makes it hard is also what makes it bearable, and this is the fact that you have both agreed to a long-term commitment.
So how do you make it work?
How to ensure the distance does not sow weakness in what you both have worked so hard to build?
Here’s some long-distance marriage advice that could come in handy, whether you are dating a foreigner and want to marry him, or one of you frequently travels for work.
how to survive living apart from your spouse
Manage your expectations
For your long-distance marriage to work, you need to be on the same page in terms of expectations.
How often do you want to communicate? How often do you want to visit each other?
Most importantly, you need to figure out your end game so you have a common goal you are working towards.
Find ways to communicate
Communication is the surest way to ensure that your bond remains strong despite the unique challenges. Talk as often as you can. It could be anything from a sweet message in the middle of their day to a routine evening check-in phone call.
With a long-distance marriage, it is particularly important to switch things up in terms of the modes used to keep things interesting.
Some of your options here include:
- Phone calls
- Emails and texts
- Letters (snail mail)
- Video chats
- Voice and video messages
Keep photos of each other visible
It is very easy in a long-distance marriage to become disenchanted. Out of sight sometimes really is out of mind. The magic of love is something you should never let go of!
The best solution here is to display photos of your partner and the two of you together around the home as a subtle reminder that you are lover and are in love.
Be open about your needs
Just because you are married doesn’t mean that all your needs have been met. It is essentially a relationship just like any other. As such, you are entitled your needs, and you should make them very clear to each other.
It could be that you still want to have virtual romantic dates despite the distance. Maybe you want your intimate life to be a bigger priority. Be open about it all, and that way, you will not end up disappointed.
Act like you live together
Just because you live apart from your spouse, it doesn’t mean that you have to be total strangers. Treat your partner the way you would if they were right there with you. Ask about their day and give details about yours. Nothing is unimportant, including that juicy piece of office gossip or your boring errand plans.
One of the biggest long-distance marriage problems is making assumptions about your spouse’s behavior. With nothing but calls, texts, and emails to connect you, you may lose touch with your partner’s feelings and headspace.
No matter how out of the ordinary their behavior is, do not jump into conclusions. Instead, create a safe space to open up and share any creeping insecurities before they consume you.
Negative vibes will snuff out your relationship faster than you can imagine. It could be a lack of satisfaction due to circumstances or general apprehension from the stress that LDRs inflict.
The secret here is a change of perspective. Communicating with your partner about these feelings also helps as negative emotions mostly stem from insecurities and frustration.
Expect difficult times
Long-distance marriages are not all video calls and plane trips to see each other. There will be a lot of silence and emptiness. The separation will be brutal.
These factors just add on to other marriage problems experienced by non-LDR couples. Preparing for this and figuring out healthy fighting strategies is the best way to survive the hard times.
Keep the romance alive
One of the biggest causes of long-distance marriage divorce is a lack of romance. Distance weakens the bond you already have and provides a platform for destructive negative thoughts to thrive.
So how do you keep things hot and romantic in a long-distance marriage?
- Send romantic letters
- Send care packages and gifts
- Plan surprise visits
- Get each other nice treats
- Try Skype sex
Make your insecurities known
Yes! When they are built and maintained on trust, more so in the marriage setup. If for any reason you have trust issues, then you need to air them as soon as possible. That allows your partner to address them and make any necessary changes to make you feel more secure.
Don’t stop dating each other
Another one of the most common long-distance marriage problems is the neglect of an active dating life. Being married doesn’t mean you stop trying. Go out on dates and make new memories together, and your relationship will thank you for it.
You are probably wondering to yourself how exactly you will do this given the hundreds or even thousands of miles between you two.
Good news – there are many LDR date ideas for you to try! Here are a few fun and easy-to-execute ones:
- Video chat movie marathons
- Virtual room exploration
- Synchronized workout sessions
- Virtual location tours
- Play video games together
- … or any other games for that matter
Visit each other as much as possible
The value of spending quality physical time as a married couple in an LDR cannot be emphasized enough.
If one or both of you regularly commute for work, then you need to find a way to make time for each other. Get vacation days, postpone meetings and do whatever it takes to find that time.
If it is a case of marriage to a foreigner or someone from a different part of the country, then plan as many visits back and forth as possible. The physical proximity to each other makes a world of difference.
Take advantage of technology
Another tip on how to make a long-distance marriage work is by using available tech. These days, there is an app for everything. These range from messaging apps to applications that help you keep track of each other’s day.
Here are some awesome ones worth checking out:
- The Ice Break
Set an end date
One of the most difficult things about being in a long-distance relationship is the uncertainty about the future. As a married couple, in particular, you have to have an end game in mind where the distance is finally bridged and you can build your family together.
It doesn’t have to be a specific date down to the day and month. Just give it as an estimated year where all your affairs will be in enough order for a stable move.
Work intentionally towards a common goal
Finally, if you want to figure out how to survive a long-distance marriage, then you need to have an end goal in mind. Is one of you going to have to move? Will someone have to have a career change? Talk about this and figure out the way forward, and it will help give you both peace of mind.